Endure, Endure, Endure.

"We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love" - Romans 5:3-5 [NLT]

What a year 2016 has been, what a year. Cursed right from the start from Kylie Jenner's words of 2016 being the year of 'realising stuff', it has definitely been the year of numerous unexpected revelations that have been extremely impactful in my life in particular.

The most important thing I have learnt this year, which I am still trying to learn is perseverance. Now I'm not gonna lie, I have a habit of giving up quite easily (okay very easily), hanging quite literally by my fingernails (and not my fingertips because that stage was passed longggg ago) with constant thoughts of giving up and quitting university. It's been a rough couple of months, it almost feels like a lifetime, trying to balance part-time work and attempting to get out of bed to reach the last 15 minutes of my lectures; with assignment deadlines that seemed to pop out of nowhere, time just seemed to be disappearing and I felt that I was soon going to lose the plot!

BUT GOD!!!!!! *breaks into a praise dance*

No. I am joking.

There has been no breakthrough yet, no miracles, no testimonies to share as of right now but this period of my life has definitely been a learning curve, a continual journey of trust and perseverance because sometimes the answers do not come straight away and sometimes you standing in the middle of the mountain wondering why only now it's becoming more difficult to reach the top. When you are in the valley, in the low points of your life it is hard to see what is on the other side, how close you are to reaching that goal as all you can see is what is right in front of you.

It's funny, my mum told me the other day that God knows when you have done your best, when you have put in the effort, when you have struggled and failed only to struggle and fail again, it is the perseverance that he values most; knowing that you have tried and entrusted him to help you along the way, straight to the finish line. The thing I tend to forget is to ask, I usually get so focused on completing something by myself not wanting to ask for help when it is so easy to whisper a prayer and just ask God to carry us the rest of the way.

If you are an early quitter like me, trust me I know it's hard, but quitting is too easy and I'm sure you are as fed up and upset as I am of looking back on certain situations and having the 'what ifs' and 'if only' thoughts in the back of your mind. I won't tell you what is the best thing to do, all I am going to say is that you MUST, you must, you must, you must endure. I know that it is easier said than done but you do not have to go through it alone.

God values perseverance and rewards the one who endures to the end and if you simply ask, he will help you over those last hurdles as he says in Psalms 55:22: "Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall" [NLT]. When you feel you are alone in the valley, God says he will be there (Psalm 23:4); claim His promises, pray continually and endure, endure, endure to the finish line because once you've reached the top, everything becomes worth it.

"Indeed we count them blessed who endure. You have heard of the perseverance of Job and seen the end intended by the Lord-that the Lord is very compassionate and merciful" - James 5:11 [NKJV]

  

Who are you really ?

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'But anyone who does not love does not know God, for God is love' - 1 John 4:8 [NLT]

I came to the realisation not too long ago that I didn't know who Jesus was at all, but even more specifically who he was to me personally. Every time I sinned, I would be so scared to approach God and ask for forgiveness because I thought that he would be angry and frustrated at me for doing the things I knew wasn't right.

It is absolutely crazy to believe that I once had these thoughts because this is not who Jesus is at all. Even though he is upset when we fall short, he is ALWAYS there with open arms ready to take us back when we have drifted away and always quick to forgive.

One of my favourite parables in the bible and probably the best illustration that describes God's character is the Prodigal Son which, if you want to have a quick read of it, can be found in Luke 15:11-32. It is one of the most known parables in the bible but it's so funny how there are things that can be overlooked just because 'you've heard it all before'. When reading this story, many of us focus on the son's journey and how he took his father's money, spent it all until he had nothing and then came back home that we forget the character who remains constant, the forgiving father. To think that after all the son had done, his father rushed to him with open arms, so full of compassion and love for his child because he was just glad that he came back home. This story simply shows us God and his unfailing and unconditional love for us; forever ready to take us back into his loving arms.

There is so much that can be said on God's character but it can all be summed up in one phrase: God is love.

 So if you ever feel like you have forgotten who he is or that you just need a reminder, go back and read the Prodigal Son or make a challenge for yourself to find bible verses that reveal God's character to you.

'The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to anger and filled with unfailing love.' - Psalms 103:8 [NLT] 

Take it to the Lord in prayer ?

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'Never stop praying' - 1 Thessalonians 5:17 [NLT]

Prayer was everything to me. I couldn't leave my bed let alone my house before getting down on my knees or whispering a prayer to God by the door. It was easier, I think, to pray when I was younger; living in a Christian household it was expected that you pray when you wake up, before your meals and before bed to repeat the cycle all over again in the morning. Perhaps the authenticity of my prayers faded over the years due to the habitual routine of it all or maybe I just didn't take the time out to listen to His still small voice...

Prayer didn't become meaningful to me until I was in sixth form. Caught in the cycle of studying for A-Levels and battling depression it didn't really leave any time for me to have a proper conversation with Jesus until I just stopped praying altogether. I feel that sometimes when we feel that we have strayed too far from God or have not spoken to him in a long while that we tend to think that we are not worthy or that there is no point and it's these thoughts that Satan floods our minds with that cause us to doubt the very essence of who God is.

When I let it all out, all the pain, the anger, the hurt I was feeling mingled with sobbing, I felt this peace and ever since I have changed the way I pray. I am more honest and open in my prayers to God and honestly it has changed my prayer life completely for the better. In retrospect I do think that I had a warped view of God's character and so I started to look back in my bible and sort of study and teach myself about God's true character and nature (more on that in another blog post).

Try for yourself instead of saying the usual "Thank you Jesus for this day..." Be more honest, more real in your prayers. If you feel angry at Him, say it. If you can't feel his presence anymore, let Him know and even if you have nothing to say, tell Him exactly that. Lay it all down at his feet because it is better to say something than nothing at all and end up carrying all your hurt/pain/unanswered questions alone.

'The Lord is close to those who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth.' 

Psalms 145:18 [NLT]