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'Never stop praying' - 1 Thessalonians 5:17 [NLT]
Prayer was everything to me. I couldn't leave my bed let alone my house before getting down on my knees or whispering a prayer to God by the door. It was easier, I think, to pray when I was younger; living in a Christian household it was expected that you pray when you wake up, before your meals and before bed to repeat the cycle all over again in the morning. Perhaps the authenticity of my prayers faded over the years due to the habitual routine of it all or maybe I just didn't take the time out to listen to His still small voice...
Prayer didn't become meaningful to me until I was in sixth form. Caught in the cycle of studying for A-Levels and battling depression it didn't really leave any time for me to have a proper conversation with Jesus until I just stopped praying altogether. I feel that sometimes when we feel that we have strayed too far from God or have not spoken to him in a long while that we tend to think that we are not worthy or that there is no point and it's these thoughts that Satan floods our minds with that cause us to doubt the very essence of who God is.
When I let it all out, all the pain, the anger, the hurt I was feeling mingled with sobbing, I felt this peace and ever since I have changed the way I pray. I am more honest and open in my prayers to God and honestly it has changed my prayer life completely for the better. In retrospect I do think that I had a warped view of God's character and so I started to look back in my bible and sort of study and teach myself about God's true character and nature (more on that in another blog post).
Try for yourself instead of saying the usual "Thank you Jesus for this day..." Be more honest, more real in your prayers. If you feel angry at Him, say it. If you can't feel his presence anymore, let Him know and even if you have nothing to say, tell Him exactly that. Lay it all down at his feet because it is better to say something than nothing at all and end up carrying all your hurt/pain/unanswered questions alone.
'The Lord is close to those who call on him, yes, to all who call on him in truth.'
Psalms 145:18 [NLT]
